A Box of John Piper

I can't think of a better way to celebrate Valentine's Day then to read some John Piper. However, since all of my lovely John Piper books are in storage, I can't sit and read them as a Happy Valentine's Day to myself, but I can gather a bunch of quotes from the internet and share them with you. Enjoy! Enjoy them like you would a great big box of chocolates. Yeah, a great big box of John Piper quotes. Delicious!

Encouraging:

"Life is not a straight line leading from one blessing to the next and then finally to heaven. Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And the point of biblical stories like Joseph and Job and Esther and Ruth is to help us feel in our bones (not just know in our heads) that God is for us in all these strange turns. God is not just showing up after the trouble and cleaning it up. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far-reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ."

More encouragement:

"The strength of patience hangs on our capacity to believe that God is up to something good for us in all our delays and detours."

Sobering:

"The greatest enemy of hunger for God is not poison but apple pie. It is not the banquet of the wicked that dulls our appetite for
heaven, but endless nibbling at the table of the world. It is not
the X-rated video, but the prime-time dribble of triviality we
drink in every night."

One of the reasons I like him so much:

"Reading is more important to me than eating."

This one brings tears to my eyes:

"Don't follow a defeated foe. Follow Christ. It is costly. You will be an exile in this age. But you will be free."

Conviction and encouragement:

"We are not as Christ-centered and cross-cherishing as we should be, because we do not ponder the truth that everything good, and everything bad that God turns for the good, was purchased by the sufferings of Christ."

A good question to ask:

"Do you feel loved by God because you believe he makes much of you, or because you believe he frees you and empowers you to enjoy making much of him?"

My favorite:

"God is not an employer looking for employees. He is an Eagle looking for people who will take refuge under his wings. He is looking for people who will leave father and mother and homeland or anything else that may hold them back from a life of love under the wings of Jesus."

Full o' Blogs

May I tell you something? I like to read blogs more than I like to actually blog. I'd rather read the blog of some obscure regular person than hear about the comings and goings of "celebs". I maintain a blog roll on this blog, but I also have a few blogs not listed that I regularly visit. I thought that since I've once again neglected this blog, you should know about the blogs with which I neglect it.

Firstly, I visit weight loss blogs. Why? Because I love them and they encourage me (usually) in my own weight loss.

I visit Fat Bridesmaid daily because I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't me, I would be her. As I said, I love reading weight loss blogs and this is far and away my favorite.

Another favorite weight loss blog is The Token Fat Girl. She's such a sweetheart.

ANOTHER weight loss blog I visit is Questions for Dessert. But I honestly like her thankful picture blog more. I like blogs with pictures.

The above three blogs form a sort of weight loss trifecta and the authors of these blogs do a podcast together as well. I'm pretty sure none of them are Christians, but I do like to read about their struggles and sometimes pray for them. We all share the same human struggles, but we don't all share a Savior. I wish we did, and maybe one day we will.

I visit two types of blogs - weight loss blogs and theology blogs. Usually in that order. Justin Taylor's blog is my favorite theology blog and he usually links to other theology blogs so you get the best bang for your web-browsing buck.

Another favorite is Rebecca Writes. I like it because she is a woman (obviously) thinking and writing about theology, deep, deep theology. Also, she kind of reminds me of one of my mentors who is also Canadian. I think we can all agree that Canadians are delightful.

Lastly, I really like the blog Pray for Ian. I think I may have mentioned it before, and it is certainly on my blog roll. This blog has a tremendous back story and, I think, a tremendous future. I think it really displays, more than anything, the counter-cultural thinking and living we Christians should be doing.

There are a few others, but these are the main ones. So, do you have any blogs you regularly read (besides mine obviously)? Please, please share!

Me and Obama

I was over at the house (the t-house to be exact) of a few of my ministry supporters the other week and I spotted my prayer card on their refrigerator.


Am I being held up by Obama? Why yes, yes I am. HIL-arious.

Well, we might not agree on everything (me and Obama, that is) but I hope when my supporters see me and Obama together they pray for us.

The Lord knows we both need it.

Tea and Sympathy

I have discovered a wonderful new tea by Twinings (well, not new, but repackaged by the company at least) and I thought I'd share the experience. I'm not the biggest fan of Chai tea, but I decided to give it a try. At the risk of sacrilege, I'll even say it's better than a Chai Tea Latte from Starbucks. Spicy and delicious with a little milk and brown sugar added. Perfect for a cozy evening of reading.

Bonus: Which tea suits you best? Find out at Twinings Tea Explorer.

Postscript: I know I'm a nerd. I don't care.

Book List 2010

Book List 2010! Last year I read fifty-three and this year my numbers were lower with a mere forty-eight, but I still think it's respectable. I was aiming for a book a week, missed it by four, but I still think I had a good year. Maybe this year I'll hit fifty-two, or exceed it. Whatevs.

Non-fiction Books
1. Counterfeit Gods – Timothy Keller
2. Introducing Covenant Theology – Michael Horton
3. Trusting God in a Twisted World – Elisabeth Elliot
4. The Law of Perfect Freedom – Michael S. Horton
5. The Call – Os Guinness
6. The Reason for God – Timothy Keller
7. The Cross Centered Life – C.J. Mahaney
8. In My Place Condemned He Stood – J.I. Packer & Mark Dever
9. The Making of Evangelicalism – Randall Balmer
10. Eden’s Outcasts – John Matteson
11. If – Amy Carmichael
12. Dug Down Deep – Joshua Harris
13. The Vanishing Conscience – John MacArthur
14. Hard to Believe – John MacArthur
15. Shadow of the Almighty – Elisabeth Elliot
16. The Total Money Makeover – Dave Ramsey
17. The Great Gain of Godliness – Thomas Watson
18. Mere Christianity – C.S. Lewis
19. Taste and See – John Piper
20. Singled Out for Him – Nancy Leigh DeMoss
21. Come Ye Children – C.H. Spurgeon
22. Addictions - A Banquet in the Grave – Edward T. Welch
23. All of Grace – C.H. Spurgeon
24. When People are Big and God is Small – Edward T. Welch

I make it a goal to read at least one biography a year, and this year I read "Eden's Outcast", a biography about Louisa May Alcott and her family, most notably her father, an author and thinker in his own right. I loved this biography, even though I don't like "Little Women", Alcott's most well-known book. It was fantastic! I thoroughly recommend it. It also gives a fascinating look at the beginning of the Transcendental movement and the Alcott family's involvement in it.

This year I read two books by Spurgeon. I had never read anything by Spurgeon until this year. Why? His writing is so gospel-soaked that it makes my heart sing. Spurgeon will definitely be included in next year's list!

Love me some lovely CCEF. I read two books ("Addictions - A Banquet in the Grave" and "When People are Big and God is Small") by a faculty member and they both slayed me with their gospel-centered counsel. It was hard to hear, but needful. I will be hopefully reading more from CCEF's bookshelf in the coming year.

Other notable non-fiction books: "Counterfeit Gods" by Timothy Keller (really good!) and "If" by Amy Carmichael (convicting in a great way!).

Fiction Books
1. Life among the Lutherans – Garrison Keillor
2. A Good Man is Hard to Find – Flannery O’Connor
3. And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie
4. Housekeeping – Marilynne Robinson
5. Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
6. Arranged Marriage – Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
7. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – J.K. Rowling
8. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – J.K. Rowling
9. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – J.K. Rowling
10. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – J.K. Rowling
11. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – J.K. Rowling
12. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – J.K. Rowling
13. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – J.K. Rowling
14. A Painted House – John Grisham
15. Olive Kitteridge – Elizabeth Strout
16. Gilead – Marilynne Robinson
17. One Amazing Thing - Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
18. Idyll Banter – Chris Bohjahlian
19. The Unexpected Mrs. Pollifax – Dorothy Gilman
20. Midwives - Chris Bohjahlian
21. The Murder at the Vicarage – Agatha Christie
22. Something Special: A Story – Iris Murdoch
23. Jeeves in the Morning – P.G. Wodehouse
24. A Murder is Announced – Agatha Christie

I've been sort of an Anglophile this year, and I have discovered golden nectar in the form of Agatha Christie novels (especially any that involve Miss Marple). Seriously, those books are like candy. I used to snob mystery novels because they weren't "real" literature, and maybe they aren't, but I do love reading them.

Every year I also try to read a children's series. This year, under some protest, it was the Harry Potter series. I was hesitant to read them but after listening to a lecture by Jerram Barrs, a professor at Covenant Seminary here in St. Louis, I was persuaded to give them a try. I LOVED them. Let me repeat: I loved those books. As soon as I was finished with them I wanted to read them all again. If you want to check out the lecture I believe it can be found on Monergism under Jerram Barr's name.

Notable fiction books: "Arranged Marriage" by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni (but anything by Divakaruni is AMAZING. Seriously, do yourself a huge favor and read one of her books either "Arranged Marriage" or "The Unknown Errors of our Lives". Doesn't that title give you a thrill?!) and "Rebecca" by Daphne Du Maurier.

And that's it. In 2011 I want to read the children's series "A Series of Unfortunate Events". I read it many years ago, but I don't think I finished the very last books. The series has lots of delectable words, and I love delectable words. I'm not sure what biography I want to read, but I think maybe a political figure? And my first non-fiction book of the year will be a book on celibacy. I think. If it doesn't depress me too much. And of course MORE AGATHA CHRISTIE! I love you, Agatha Christie, so much.

Well friends, any suggestions for my book list this year? I want to hear what you want to, or are planning to, read in the coming year. And as always...

Happy reading!

The House You're Building

It's a good exercise to remember my complete inability and unloveliness before the Able and Lovely. It's a better exercise to soak in His love and forget about myself.

"All my life you've been calling me to a home You know I've been needing...I'm a broken stone, so lay me in the house You're building..."



For while we were still weak,
at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
- Romans 5:6

Better than Sons and Daughters

Last night I got to demonstrate my amazing auntie prowess and sit with my darling niece, Ivy, for a few hours. After her parents walked out the door I fed her, rocked her, and set her gently in her cradle for a nice little sleep...which lasted all of about twenty minutes before the other baby in the family, Mowgli the Dog, started barking his head off at the presence of an invisible intruder.


Needless to say I spent the rest of the time be-bopping around the Christmas tree with my not-quite-two month old niece mesmerized by the lights. I think she was less mesmerized, however, by my faulty renditions of several Christmas classics. "Have a holly jolly Christmas, it's the best time of the year, la la la, something, la..." was how it generally went. At the end of the two hours, I was happy to hand little Ivy off to her momma (mostly because it was feeding time), and her momma was happy to have her back. Yep, being an aunt is a pretty good gig.

This morning as I stood at the kitchen sink, pouring my coffee and shredded wheat (but not into the same container), I thought about how thankful I am that I'm not married. This probably sounds strange, because previous posts on this blog would indicate otherwise, but I really am most of the time thankful for the gift of singleness. I am becoming increasingly aware of the special gift that it is, and the advantages and disadvantages that come with it.

A week ago I had lunch with a group of people from my church and one friend and fellow single was talking about being a Isaiah 54 wife, that is, the Lord is your husband. Although I don't think there is anything wrong with a single woman, never-married or widowed, to cling to these verses for comfort, I've never been down with it myself, and in the last year or so, I've been enamored with a passage from Isaiah 56.

1 Thus says the LORD:
"Keep justice, and do righteousness,
for soon my salvation will come,
and my deliverance be revealed.
2 Blessed is the man who does this,
and the son of man who holds it fast,
who keeps the Sabbath, not profaning it,
and keeps his hand from doing any evil."
3 Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the LORD say,
"The LORD will surely separate me from his people";
and let not the eunuch say,
"Behold, I am a dry tree."
4 For thus says the LORD:
"To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose the things that please me
and hold fast my covenant,
5 I will give in my house and within my walls
a monument and a name
better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
that shall not be cut off.

This passage really comforted me when I was making the decision to go back into full-time missions service. I was struggling because it felt like the death of my dreams - husband, children, home - and the taking on of a dream I wasn't really sure I wanted. At that time I was 100% certain that if I choose the mission field, I would be choosing singleness as well.

I'm not really sure that's the case (I know it certainly isn't for all missionaries), but most days it feels like I will be single all of my life. I still struggle to be okay with that reality, especially now when I'm in my late twenties and everyone around me seems to be dating, getting married, married, or having babies. I want all those things too, but I am learning to be content with what God has called me to in this season of my life, and singleness is becoming less of an unspeakable horror, and more of an honor.

And really, whether we're married or single, it's our duty to "choose the things that please Me", to choose to please the Lord in whatever state we find ourselves. I just happen to find myself in the state of singleness. However, that eunuch thing really speaks to me. To be unable at this time in my life to have physical sons and daughters, it comforts me to know that I am called to care for and nurture spiritual life in other people's sons and daughters (as are other singles. I'm not that special). And if I continue in this state of singleness all of my life (which would be okay), I still have a place in God's house, and a name that He calls me, which is better than sons and daughters ("still". In my messed up economy this life is still more important than that Life. Sigh. I'm working on it).

Better than sons and daughters. That's hard to believe when you're holding a warm baby in your arms and kissing their chubby cheeks, or when your BFF is dating an awesome guy (which mine is at the moment), or when scads (literally scads) of people even younger than you are standing at the altar with goofy looks in their eyes. Faith is a daily struggle, but a worth-it fight. And as I press into knowing more of the goodness of God, that name is looking better and better.

Postscript: I'm really thankful for older singles who show me what faithfulness to God within the gift of singleness really looks like. They don't shrug off the struggles of singleness, but neither do they let those struggles defeat them. They take that gift and they work it. They let God use them to their full capacities and they serve Him. They are beautiful pictures of fun, and laughter, and service, and grace. Especially to this young single who is still getting used to the "gift" and wants to know how to use it well. So, thanks. You all are some of my favorite people around.

Counseling and Scarlett O'Hara

A few blog posts ago I told you that I am paying someone to fix me. I wish it were that simple. Unfortunately, it is not. It is a long and arduous process which often leaves me emotionally drained and cranky.

Currently in my life I have the time and resources to do something that I've wanted to do for a long time, which is to get professional counseling. I'm sure you couldn't tell by my other blog posts, but I have a lot of issues.

The current issue that I'm working on is dealing with the fallout from abuse suffered in my past. The issues that I'm reaping from those painful seeds include a lot of anger and some destructive and unbiblical ways I deal with that pain and anger.

It's difficult to share these things with you. I wonder if it's better not to, but I know that what ministers most to me are honest struggles. But I'm trying to struggle well. I don't want to wallow in the pain, because I am being redeemed and I don't want to discount the Redeemer and His work in my life. But for so long I've avoided dealing with these issues and so right now I'm having trouble doing anything BUT wallowing.

Counseling brings up so many things that you didn't even know were there. And for me, the very existence of those "unknowns", throw me into a panic. I think I'm pretty "self-aware" (but maybe just self-centered), and to discover all of these issues I didn't even know I had is, in a word, depressing. I am so much worse than I thought I was! Oh, the ugly self-righteousness.

I have a lot more to say about this. I want to defend myself so you don't think I've swallowed the pill of popular psychology and am presently going to start screaming about how I just need to learn how to love myself and then everything will be alright. But no. No, right now you just need to know that I am a messed-up sinner, trying to forgive other messed-up sinners (which is a task that seems at this point in my life, simply unachievable), without losing sight of God, responding in an unbiblical way to the hurt, or hindering the ministry to which God has called me.

These are good, hard days for me. I'm so glad I can talk through all of these issues with someone who is helping me to deal with them in a godly way and see myself the way God sees me. I'm thankful for God's Word which speaks truth into my life and helps me to crush the lies. I'm thankful for grace, and the work of Christ that makes that grace possible. And lastly, I am thankful that God justifies the ungodly. That is a truth that I've been clinging to lately. Because I am, but He does.

I'm sure there will be many other blog posts on this issue, and maybe through them God will even minister to someone. I can only hope. But in the end, it's not about me. I'm learning that in this counseling process, and believe me, it is often a rude awakening. So, will you pray for me? Pray that I grieve well. Pray that I heal well. Pray that I forgive well. And when I saw "well" I mean in a way that brings glory to Christ, because all of these things are hard. Hard.

So, there you have it, the promised blog post. Next, I think I'm supposed to tell you more about my glamorous missionary life. So much glamour, where to even begin? Well, in the words of that paragon of mental health, Scarlett O'Hara (I bet you were wondering when she was finally going to figure into this post), "I won't think about that now, I'll think about that tomorrow".

Dude...

So I just looked over the list of blog topics I promised to share with you and I saw that one of them was the story of my abscessed molar.

Dude, that is so gross. What was I thinking?

But seriously, that tooth took me out for about ten days. I had to take my Christmas vacation days since I did nothing for a whole week but cry and take crazy strong pain medicine which did nothing to alleviate the pain, and so not only was my tooth killing me, my liver was probably in danger as well. It was so bad that I only got about one and a half hours of sleep each night. No fun. No fun at all.

One night I remember looking at my tear-stained face in the mirror and thinking "I hope I am never tortured for my faith" because I don't know how I'd respond, but judging by my tooth mishap, it would not be good.

Isn't the Lord merciful to uphold His children? I trust that if that situation every arises in my life, His grace will keep me faithful to the end, but it's scary to realize how weak the flesh really is.

Dude, it is so gross. The Flesh, I mean. Well, and my tooth too. Still really gross.

I don't have great pain management skills. I hate pain. I avoid it at all cost, and when it does come I usually do not handle it well. I remember one time my sister (the one who gave birth to a 9lb 15oz baby), spilled hot eyebrow wax on her thigh (where it promptly adhered to her flesh and wouldn't come off), and had to be driven to the emergency room by her big sister (me), where she went through an entire skin peeling procedure (it's as bad as it sounds) AWAKE! She has some crazy pain management skills (and also a crazy tolerance for pain medication because that doctor tried his best to knock her out, believe me. But that's another story).

Not me, man, not me. Give me the pain meds, and if that doesn't work, just go ahead and take a 2x4 to my head because I don't want to experience it.

I was going somewhere with this...

Oh yeah, I don't like pain. So why must I deal with it at all? The answer, of course, is that I live in a fallen world. I am a messed-up sinner, interacting with other messed-up sinners, all of us doing messed-up sinner things. That's why, when my tooth finally came out, when the problem was gone, and the pain stopped, I felt relieved, and free, and happy. Really, really happy.

Every day I deal with pain of some sort, maybe not that blasted tooth pain, and maybe not to that extreme, but pain nonetheless. And every day I feel some of that pain being deepened, and some of that pain being healed, but one day I will feel all of that pain gone, and every tear wiped away.

"Life is not a straight line leading from one blessing to the next and then finally to heaven. Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And...God is for us in all these strange turns. God is not just showing up after the trouble and cleaning it up. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far-reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ." — John Piper

Good stuff in the midst of the gross stuff.

Dude, you know it's true, and aren't you glad? Me too.

Baby Ivy

Well, obviously I do not have a true blogger's heart because I've totally left you all out in the cold, as far as updating regularly goes. But perhaps the unexpectedness of my blog posts are what really keep you coming back for more anyway.

I'm feeling a little retrospective tonight, a little melancholy, and I'm tempted to write a rambling post all about my feelings. How horrifying is that prospect? But before you move onto a more interesting, less angst-filled blog, let me assure that that is not going to happen, at least not tonight. Tonight I've decided to introduce you to one of my new favorite people, Ivy.

Ive is my niece, and she made her debut six weeks ago tomorrow. Her birth was a much anticipated, much lauded event. We were at the hospital almost twenty-four hours waiting for her to arrive and it was worth every boring waiting room minute.

At seven on Sunday morning we were awakened by a phone call that alerted us to the emanate arrival and so the mom and littlest sister, Maggie, went with Jessie and Rich to the hospital, and Sarah and I followed a few hours later loaded down with reinforcements in the form of breakfast sandwiches and coffee (Starbucks, obviously).

We spent all day waiting around for Ivy and then as the sun set and other families vacated the waiting room we began the really long wait, the wait until dawn. It was rough. I vaguely remember a trip to a 24-Hour McDonald's for chicken nuggets and fries since we were all starving by the wee hours of the morning. After food we were sleepy.



But we did not sleep because we were too busy watching this door for Grandma (or Mamie as she is currently being referred to) to bust through and tell us that Ivy was finally here.



But no such luck and so about 3am things really started to get interesting. After various rides on the elevator, a trip to the nursery to see all the babies, and exhausting all the reading material to be had in the waiting room, we got creative. We plugged in our various iPods and MP3 players and got our dance on.

Public dancing? No problem for the Hulme clan, we are well-versed in public spectacle, believe me. So, we danced.



And laughed.



And watched for the nurses so they didn't catch us...and then danced some more.



Finally a few hours later Mamie did bust through those doors and we gathered around her camera to see pictures of newborn Ivy. And then a little while later we got to actually meet her in person.



I've never been more proud of my sister in my life. Birth is an amazing, painful process, and as the British would say, she was a real brick. My brother-in-law was also fantastic, even standing up to a not-so-nice doctor in the final stages of labor. Well done both of you.

This is Ivy today.



Fantastic, right (mad props to my friend Melanie Andrich for taking the above photograph. Love it!)? She is a bundle of kissable cheeks and big sometimes blue, sometimes green eyes. It is a pleasure to hold her and pray for her and love her. I am thankful for this good gift to my family, and can't wait for all those "firsts" that come along with the first grand baby, and of course, that ultimate first, when she meets Jesus as her Savior. I've been praying for that day since before she was born and I will continue to pray that our good God will one day answer that prayer and draw her to Himself. Amazing love, how can it be?

Auntie Jeanne loves you, Ivy.

Well, so a bit of a tear-jerker, right? Ah yes, the best of both worlds. And, of course, that's why you read my blog anyway... :)

Of Leaf Piles and Janitors

People are goofy.

Let's face it: we come up with some pretty crazy ideas. And those crazy ideas, spurred on by our inability to be completely neutral when it comes to ourselves, can lead to hilarious results.

Case in point: an indoor pile of leaves. A big, smelly, possibly bug-infested pile of leaves in an elementary school gymnasium.

Here's how it went down.

While here in St. Louis I'm helping out at a local Good News Club (one of CEF's primary ministries and the area in which I am most involved in Little Rock). I do this because I love the ministry and I need to step out of my deputation role every now and again so I don't go insane. Also, it is good entertainment.

This week was our Thanksgiving Party Club and our club leaders had some fun cooked up for the kids. During the last half an hour of club, after the lessons, and songs, and snacks had all been experienced, one of the club helpers carries in a big brown tarp. The children were told not to look at what he was doing behind them as it was their last big surprise for the day.

It was a big surprise for me too.

Being the Helpful Henrietta that I always am, I tramp over to assist. We spread the brown tarp and then the club helper disappears to his car for the other half of the mysterious prize. He returns a few minutes later carrying three huge (HUGE!) black garbage bags. He begins to rip them open and spread their contents around. In a minute, the middle of the gym looked like this:

A big pile of leaves in the middle of a school gymnasium. I watch in horror as this takes place. I'm so numb that I don't even realize I have ripped open a bag and dumped it's contents out as well, contributing to this nightmare.

At this point, I am unsure of the game we're going to play. Are the kids going to jump in this huge pile of leaves and roll around, scattering the leaves to the far corners of the gym? If this happens, I think, the janitor will have a conniption. And as if on cue, the janitor walks through. He stops, visibly startled. He stares, visibly shaken. Now, I've worked in public schools for many years and I know how persnickety the janitors can be about their floors. And why shouldn't they be? They spend their whole day cleaning up after small children and at the end of the day, they just want a few brief shining moments of spotlessness. Is that too much to ask?

Bottom line: you don't get on the bad side of janitors. They can make or break you in that school. Am I being paranoid? No, not at all. The janitor is a little kingdom unto him or herself so you want to keep him happy. Christmas gifts, Easter bonnets, fruit baskets are all things that can be used to appease a janitor. I've tried operating solely on the basis of my charming wit, but no, that janitor needs a gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse every now and again. Never underestimate the power of a well-placed (or played) Blooming Onion.

So I keep a close eye on this janitor, inwardly ringing my hands. What's going to happen next, I think. But the janitor plays it cool and rolls on by. For now. But he is watching. Oh yes, he is watching.


Do you see him there in the doorway? He watched us the whole time. Suspicious unto the point of gathering his other janitor buddies for a good beat down. But as he found out a few anxious moments later (for him and for me) that would prove to be completely unnecessary.

Again, I found myself an unwitting participant in The Great Leaf Debacle of 2010 as I begin to hid toys throughout this giant pile of leaves. Then the kids descended upon it with great vigor to find their treasures.


I have to admit, although I would never have attempted, let alone thought of this idea, the kids loved it, and they even stuck around for the clean up, which might have actually been the real fun, as is so often the case.

So would I, as a ministry coordinator of Good News Clubs, recommend recreating a yard in the middle of a school gymnasium to my teachers back in Little Rock? Probably not. But no harm, no foul. It was a pure, unadulterated case of a goofy idea turning out brilliantly, and at the end of the day, I was glad to be apart of it.

Especially since the janitor doesn't know where I live.

Your wait it almost over...

I realize that going a month without a blog post is ridiculous and that I've broken all the blogging rules and now all my "followers" have completely abandoned me for greener blogs (so to speak), but I'm worth the wait. Seriously, I've got some good stuff coming your way. My life has been really juicy during this last month of blog silence.

Here are some of the topics you've got to look forward to in the coming days:

* A new BABY (not mine, but still news-worthy)

* I finally lost it so now I'm paying someone to fix me (I know, right?!)

* The story of my abscessed MOLAR (what other blog has that topic going?)

* An indoor leaf pile (with pictures and EVERYTHING!)

* More details of my thrill-a-minute missionary life

Intrigued?

Curiosity piqued?

Dying to know more?

Well, your wait is almost over.

A Good Place to Be

Last night I took a foray into a local Christian bookstore, and although my head is still reeling from that experience (so much heresy, so little time), I did come out a little richer with a book by Spurgeon called "All of Grace".

Lately I've been having trouble with my affections. They have all been scattered and set upon the wrong things. I laid in bed last night thinking and praying and pondering this restlessness in myself for Something More. As I wrestled the thought "silly girl, you want Someone to worship" popped into my mind.

And indeed the desire in my heart to love and be loved in return, the restlessness I've been feeling lately, can only be fully satisfied by Christ. The forward to Spurgeon's book contains a quote from Archibald Brown, a "disciple" of Spurgeon and a fellow minister, which reveals where Spurgeon's affections were fully and finally set:

"In his heart, Jesus stood unapproached, unrivaled.
He worshipped Him; he adored Him.
He was our Lord's delighted captive."

This description of Spurgeon fills me with a desire for the same, that unapproached, unrivaled love for Jesus. To be a delighted captive would be riches indeed. I am prone to rattle off a list of ways that I have failed in this task of loving Jesus like I should, but lately I've been convicted about the fact that I hardly ever thank God for the multiple ways He is working in my life, the grace He shows me everyday.

Earlier today I heard a preacher remark that we as Christ-followers are not called to spread a message of morality, but the message of Christ Himself. I am called to proclaim a Person, not a program. I am called by grace to respond to God through Christ, to live before His face and not under my own list of "right" behaviors. I struggle with the tension of living by grace while still walking in holiness all the time. I don't think I'll ever fully get the hang of it, but I want my affections to be stirred by Christ, and Him alone.

I'm thanking God for the ways that He has led me thus far, and trusting in His grace to lead me in the future, and resting in His love tonight.

It's a good place to be.

I Need You

Love this song by The Swift. It is perfect for a weary Thursday afternoon.



Lyrics!

My heart is restless in me
My wings are all worn out
I'm walking in the wilderness
And I cannot get out

I need You, oh I need You
Blessed Savior come
I need You, oh I need You
Fill the every longing of my soul

Oh how I need You, Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

And my bed is soaked with sadness
My sadness has no end
A downward spiral of despair
That I keep falling in

I need You, oh I need You
To You my soul shall fly
I need You, oh I need You
Yahweh, how I love you more than life

Oh how I need You, Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

Your silence is like death to me
So won't You hear my desperate plea?

Today my soul is soaring
Way over mountains high
Though I can see the valleys
They are all just passing by
Its not that I am stronger
Look at my feeble wings
But I've been lifted higher
Yahweh's lifted me in His own strength

Oh how I love You Lord
I love your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The God who always will endure
Now I will celebrate
For all the thousand ways
That you have shown me grace

And made my heart in grace to stay
You made my heart in grace to stay
Lord, make my heart in grace to stay

I need You, oh I need You

The Magnet Family

As I'm adjusting to being back at home for the next few months I have the distinct feeling that I am somehow magnetized. Why? Because everywhere I go there they are. And by they I mean those delightful people I call my siblings. They are literally everywhere I go - asking me to take them somewhere, playing the guitar, chasing the cat, chasing the dogs, yelling at each other (we are in some serious need of sanctification around here), and opening and closing the refrigerator door which is annoyingly close to my "office".

Which brings me to the point that since my makeshift office has been dominating the kitchen table these past few weeks I thought that today I'd take the party downstairs. I set everything up on a card table, plugged in my laptop, and got out a pen. It was great for the first hour. By the second they were there again, as if a giant magnet that none of us could see was pulling us closer. Then it was me, sitting at the card table, surrounded by two brothers who were fighting, one who was playing a YouTube video at top volume, and a sister who was talking about Justin Bieber. Again. I think these kids need to go to public school.


Just kidding! Maybe private school. But seriously, I wouldn't trade my magnet family for anything.

Make-shift

I've entered into another time of transition in my life. The transition into, if not full-time ministry, than fuller-time ministry. Confused? Me too. Actually, it's not that hard to understand, just a little hard to explain. My year with IMPACT has ended and now that God has led me to stay with CEF indefinitely (gulp!) I'll be raising full-time support for my full-time ministry with CEF in Little Rock.

I don't usually love times of change or transition, but this time is a little more enjoyable since the transition will take place "back home" in St. Louis. As I take a break from one aspect of the ministry to focus on another, I'm thankful that I get to spend it among my strongest support base here in Missouri.

Here is my make-shift office during this make-shift time in my life. My mother is so tolerant as I take over her kitchen table (and a little more) this fall.


I'm not sure how long I'll be here in St. Louis. I guess it depends on how long it takes to raise my support. I'm thinking at least until November. This is both positive and negative. On the downside, I miss my church family in Arkansas and I miss being apart of what God is doing among them right now, AND, although there is still CEF ministry going on in Little Rock, there is no new ministry being developed.

On the upside, I get to see the last few weeks of my little sister's pregnancy and will be here when my niece finally makes her debut. Another upside is the chance to share life with my family for another little while. Making dinner for my younger siblings, taking them on field trips, and hanging out with them are all highlights of this time of transition for me. Support raising can be stressful, and it's nice to be able to turn to my brothers and laugh and joke around with them when the stress level gets to be too high (they can also be a little distracting. I think I've developed adult ADD - I never used to be this antsy!). It's also nice to hang out with my church family here and even be involved in some ministry.

So, make-shift though it is, I'm digging this new providence of God in my life. Now if only I could get Joseph to be a little less crazy... :)

Penelope Judd

I love this song/parable by Shai Linne. It's a children's song, but it stirs my heart with greater affection for Christ. I particularly like the portrayal of the Holy Spirit's work in the lives of believers. It does have some unfortunate grammar (thanks for that phrase, Karen), but I can forgive that, can't you? Download it post-haste, or better yet, buy the album "Storiez" and enjoy all the great songs.

Penelope Judd

Once upon a time in a distant land

Far beyond the sea where there lived no man

Or woman- in fact, lo and behold

The oldest person there was only 12 years old

Because all the grown-ups had washed away in a flood

One town in particular there was called Mud

Because every sister, cousin and brother

From head to toe in mud they were covered

But anyway, in this town called Mud

There lived a little girl named Penelope Judd

Now Penelope was a very sad, sad girl

Because she was living in a bad, bad world

Where kid teased each other and acted really mean

They lied, cheated and stole and their speech was obscene

With no grown-ups around, nobody was really wise

So every kid did what was right in their own eyes

Penelope would cry- like every single day

No matter what she did, the tears wouldn’t go away

But deep down in her heart, she hoped it would get better

Because of what her grandpa had written in a letter

He said, “Penelope, it’s great news that I bring

On the mountain top there lives a great King

The King has a Son, and being a proud Father

He’s going to throw the Prince a huge party in His honor

But the good part: and I hope it gets you excited

Penelope Judd, you’re officially invited!

He’s sending a Dove- He’ll tell you all you need to know

Just have your bags packed and be ready to go”

It had been such a long time Penelope was waiting

She wondered if the letter was true or just faking

But one day she was playing outside

And to her great surprise, the Dove had arrived!

He said:

Off we go with no delay

Don’t let nobody try to make you stay

We’re gonna see the King, we're on our way

And all the old things gon’ pass away

The Dove told her that He was sent by the King

If she wanted to go, she had to run and grab her things

Penelope said, “OK. I’ll be right back!”

Ran into the house and came back out with her knapsack

The Dove said, “Penelope, the party is in a day

Stay alert, follow me and I’ll lead the way”

So as He flew and Penelope walked the path

She waived good-bye to her friends and they started to laugh

They said that she was silly for following the Dove

Just to go to some stupid party up above

Penelope and the Dove continued on their way

But then she got sad, because part of her wanted to stay

But then she thought to herself, “Why would I want to stay?

Because all they do is play in the mud all day

And while they’re doing that, I’m gonna see the King!”

It made Penelope so happy, she started to sing

She said

Off I go with no delay

And ain’t nobody gonna make me stay

I’m gonna see the King- I’m on my way

And all the old things gon’ pass away

Now when they had been walking for a long time

They reached the foot of the mountain and they started to climb

Penelope got scared, not sure if she could keep

going because the mountain was very, very steep

On top of that, it was now dark outside

The Dove said, “Keep your eyes on me- I’ll be your guide”

Getting to the top was a difficult trip

But the Dove was there to pick her up whenever she slipped

And she was so excited when they got near the top

that she didn’t even stop when her knapsack dropped

The Dove led her to the Palace and said, “Farewell!

See you inside!” He flew away; Penelope rang the bell

A huge angel answered, looked her up and down

She knew something was wrong because he had a big frown

“Can I help you, ma’am?” “Yes, I’m here for the party

I have an invitation” He said, “I’m so sorry!

There’s no way that I can let you through these doors

The King won’t let anyone dirty up His floors”

She didn’t understand, so without coming near her

He reached into his pocket and He pulled out a mirror

And for the very first time, she saw that she was dirty

The Palace was spotless- she knew she was unworthy

As the angel continued, “I’m sorry, little friend

but…”A voice inside the party said, “You can let her in”

The next thing she knew, the Prince Himself was at the door

He looked at her, smiled and said, “There’s room for one more”

He reached out and touched her- instantly she was clean

Wearing the brightest robe that she had ever seen

If the Mud kids had seen it, they would have gone blind

“Where’d you get it?”, she asked, He said, “Actually, it’s mine”

And as He lead her in through the Palace doors

He sang the sweetest song she ever heard before

He said:

Long ago, laid aside my crown

Became a Mud kid, traveled to your town

They kicked me out, didn’t want me around

But those who love me get to share my crown

Staying the Course

I'm back "home" (where is home for a missionary?) after Missionary Candidate School, and as the saying goes, now comes the hard part.

But I feel sort of adrift, coming back to reality after dwelling for a few weeks in the world that is CEF IHQ. I love that place. It's a sort of home where people I love and admire come and go, work and rest, laugh and cry. We are truly a Fellowship.

This morning the VP of International Ministries painted a picture for us of the work around the world for us. It sort of devastated me. I wanted to run to my room and cry for a bit, but instead I went to lunch and cried there (on a side note: is there no place I won't cry? Answer: no, not a one).

As he was speaking (which is a treat to me for several reasons, not the least of which is his lovely Irish accent) he commented on a worker in Africa whose work among the people "shows the value of a life dedicated to ministry". That statement sort of blew me away and left me numb. The value of a life dedicated to God working out through ministry (whatever that "ministry" looks like in your life). What could be scarier, higher, or lovelier?

God continues to remind me of His faithfulness and of how beautifully He leads me through all the twists and turns of life. Now I'm impressed by the need to stay the course in the ministry He has called me to and for which He has gifted me. He has a call on my life which I have often fought against and tried to thwart, but it remains. I'm still in awe of it and often wrestle with the consequences of it, but I also love it. There is a lot of peace that comes by walking in His purposes, even when the hard times come.

So, now I'm done with a little bit of my journey. But I keep on walking. Soli Deo gloria.

"Keep Eating that Cheese"

I am here.

Where is "here"? CEF International Headquarters. This is my first full day of Candidate School (where they teach us about the important ministry of support raising) and I am exhausted. However, I had to share this story.

Today we candidates were treated to a tour of IHQ. We stopped to gaze out at the relatively new Kraft Prayer Garden. It's a beautiful spot where we gather to pray for the states and the ministry taking place in each (we have a front garden for international ministry, in case you were wondering).

We have many buildings and rooms and gardens here with namesakes and there is always an interesting story behind each. Our tour guide, who also doubles as my ministry coach, pointed out the window and explained "this is the Kraft Prayer Garden. As in Kraft Foods." We all exclaimed over this fact, and my delightful ministry coach said with a straight face "that's right. So, keep eating that cheese."

Words to live by.

It's Almost Autumn

It's a beautiful day in Little Rock. Huge puffy clouds in a brilliant blue sky. This morning as I got into my car, a gentle breeze blew across me face, and I thought "this is an almost autumn-like day". As I pulled out of the driveway, the local NPR station stated that the temperature was 85 degrees. You know it's been a hot summer when 85 degrees feels "autumn-like".

I am really ready for a different season though. I leave for a month-long "furlough" (although it's not really that at all) next Thursday. I'll be in the blessed state of Missouri for a whole month. It's not that I don't like Arkansas, because I do, but it's just not home.

This summer has been a struggle. I've never really doubted God's call to be here, I just wish it wasn't so difficult. Lately, I've been struggling with my singleness, loneliness, and discouragement and disappointment with certain aspects of my life on the mission field.

I talked all this over with God last night. God is pretty awesome, I'm not going to lie. My regular scripture reading for yesterday was in Hebrews 12 and earlier during the day as I was crying and praying and crying out to God, the Holy Spirit brought the verse from John 12:24 to mind. Now I know this speaks of Christ, but I think it applies to us as well. When God calls us, He bids us come die. Life from death - the conundrum of our life in Christ.

Lately my mind has been dwelling on certain good gifts that I see others enjoying that I as of yet have not had the privilege of partaking in. Am I jealous? I don't know. Maybe. Satan likes to take these longings and twist them until they are all out of proportion, until good gifts become ultimate gifts. I am a fairly reasonable person, with a pretty sound theological basis for life (and so humble too), so I know all the right answers to tell my heart when it gets unruly. However, knowing the right answers doesn't always satisfy my longings or stop my heart from getting hurt.

Last night I realized, not for the first time, that I have a lot of expectations for my life. My life doesn't look like what I was expecting, fyi. So I begin to question and doubt the presence of God's goodness in my life, and sometimes wonder if I took a wrong turn somewhere. There are those who say "if God put the desire in your heart, He will fulfill it", and I am sure there is some truth there, but I don't think it's true across the board. And I'm not sure it's true in my case, either. I struggle with it, I want to fight against it, but I need to keep reminding myself of the truth.

Someday I may look back at this time in my life and view it as a blessing. But today is not that day. Today it's a struggle to keep reminding myself of God's goodness and wisdom in giving me the gifts (yes, gifts) that He has thus far. I know He has good things planned. I know that no circumstance or situation in life is meant to give us ultimate fulfillment. Only God can do that, and only in heaven can we enjoy Him fully, as we were meant to. I am looking forward to that perfect fulfillment. And I am thankful that when I am a discouraged, and even a little bit annoyed, God is patient and pities me in my weakness. Bends, as it were, to relieve me and remind me that "in His presence is fullness of joy. At His right hand are pleasures forever more." I am working on being thankful for every good and difficult gift God gives me, because they only serve to bring me "higher up and deeper in", to make me fit to one day enjoy God as I was meant.

I feel like I've been a one-note song this year. I feel as though all of my blog posts have centered around me trying to come to terms with where I find myself in the will of God and life. Shouldn't I have moved on? Maybe, but I just haven't gotten over the need to be reminded of God's sovereign, mysterious workings in my life yet. However, I feel as though I should apologize to the two people who ever read this blog for being so boring. But, these are my struggles, and maybe I have needed this year to just struggle with these things and allow God to answer me again and again with His truth. Who knows? God is good, and I'm going to enjoy the blessings of this beautiful day in a life I did not expect.

It's almost autumn.