Taking Stock

Well, like it or not, I'm back in Little Rock.

That is what I tell myself "like it or not, Jeanne. You're back in Little Rock." Before Christmas break I was feeling worn out and discouraged. Like I was treading water, but not really getting anywhere, and my frustration level was at an all-time high. So I went to Missouri for a few weeks, and didn't think about any of it. Surprisingly, it didn't all just disappear. What a shock.

But now that I'm back, it's time to take stock of the situation. It's the same for the most part. I did, however, manage to get in touch with a club coordinator who likes to Stonewall Jackson me and he sounded really glad to hear from me and even told me to "keep warm in this cold weather! Ha, ha, ha!". It was so strange that after I got off the phone I sat for a few minutes just staring into space, not quite certain if I had entered the Twilight Zone, or not. Body snatchers? I thought. Drugs? I don't know. It was a weird, but also very pleasant, surprise.

Earlier this week I got the "revelation" that we have five Good News Club going in the Little Rock area. Five! That's a 500% increase over last year. It's not thirty, which was the projected goal, but it is something. And every one of those clubs has a story, which, if I sat down and told you, you would probably be extremely bored by, but I know them, and that's enough. I know the coordinators, the teachers, the children. I've cried over them, prayed over them, laughed over them, wanted to curse over them a few times, and, well, enjoyed them.

Now I'm back in the saddle again, praying that God would soften my hardened and all-too-easily frustrated heart. As I said, every one of the clubs (five) and potential clubs (twenty), has a story. As a Type A, goal-oriented person it's hard for me not to view them as simply a check mark on my to-do list. I have a job to do, for pity sakes' , and I want to do it well. If you, partner church, don't get your act together, how will that happen? Sigh...

But these are churches made up of individuals with issues, hurts, joys, agendas, and also, sin. Just like me. Will we have thirty After-school Good News Clubs by the time I leave Little Rock? Doubtful. But as I've always suspected, ministry is meant to change me. And currently my heart is overwhelmed by the conviction that I haven't prayed enough for this ministry and the individual lives directly involved in it. It appears to me that most, if not all, of my effort over the past four months has been driven by my flesh instead of by the Spirit. This is, of course, to my shame.

I am currently pondering the verse from 1 Timothy which says to "discipline yourselves for the purpose of godliness", which includes the discipline of prayer, but more on that later. Much more. For now I am thankful that despite all of my effort, God has still seen fit to bless us with five Good News Clubs. Grace is abundant indeed.

Like it or not, I'm back in Little Rock! :)