Lately I've been having trouble with my affections. They have all been scattered and set upon the wrong things. I laid in bed last night thinking and praying and pondering this restlessness in myself for Something More. As I wrestled the thought "silly girl, you want Someone to worship" popped into my mind.
And indeed the desire in my heart to love and be loved in return, the restlessness I've been feeling lately, can only be fully satisfied by Christ. The forward to Spurgeon's book contains a quote from Archibald Brown, a "disciple" of Spurgeon and a fellow minister, which reveals where Spurgeon's affections were fully and finally set:
"In his heart, Jesus stood unapproached, unrivaled.
He worshipped Him; he adored Him.
He was our Lord's delighted captive."
This description of Spurgeon fills me with a desire for the same, that unapproached, unrivaled love for Jesus. To be a delighted captive would be riches indeed. I am prone to rattle off a list of ways that I have failed in this task of loving Jesus like I should, but lately I've been convicted about the fact that I hardly ever thank God for the multiple ways He is working in my life, the grace He shows me everyday.
Earlier today I heard a preacher remark that we as Christ-followers are not called to spread a message of morality, but the message of Christ Himself. I am called to proclaim a Person, not a program. I am called by grace to respond to God through Christ, to live before His face and not under my own list of "right" behaviors. I struggle with the tension of living by grace while still walking in holiness all the time. I don't think I'll ever fully get the hang of it, but I want my affections to be stirred by Christ, and Him alone.
I'm thanking God for the ways that He has led me thus far, and trusting in His grace to lead me in the future, and resting in His love tonight.
It's a good place to be.
