Sacred Places

Note: I wrote this post a month ago, but today seemed like a good day to post it.

I think it was Emily Dickinson who said "my friends have made my life". I have found this to be so in my own life. My friends bring color and vitality to what at times can prove to be a menial existence. One of my favorite life-experiences is Bible study with "the girls" headed up by Darlene McDonald, whom I consider to be my spiritual mom. I have grown up in her house as much as my own and her family has proven to be invaluable to my growth as a human being. God has blessed me time and time again through them.

Anyway, I wanted to record a little picture diary of Bible study for when I am far, far away in Arkansas. I also wanted to share with anyone who happens to read this blog the fun we have studying the lives of saints and sinners, men and women, husbands and wives, and Jesus. I also think it will be good for those who are even now far, far away (Lauren, Adrienne, Lydia, and Sarah - we miss you!) to remember their time there fondly.

This is one of many entrances to the "Secret Garden", so dubbed by Mrs. McDonald. The best Bible study always happens here!

Delightful surprises abound in Mrs. McDonald's garden. I don't quite know how she does it, but she is a master homemaker. I always like to observe the little touches that make her house a home.

Bible study gets underway as Stephanie brings the treats! Mrs. McDonald is a wonderful hostess. I don't ever remember a time I felt out of place or unwelcome in her home. She always makes sure we have lots of delicious treats on which to snack!

Mrs. McDonald teaches. She probably doesn't like this picture much, but it was the only one I had of her and I had to include it for when I am somewhere deep in the recesses of Arkansas!

Joanna and Allison look on as Mrs. McDonald teaches. Joanna looks slightly perturbed because I had been trying to induce her to smell some fresh dill I had just picked from the garden. One of my favorites activities during Bible study is the time we take to exchange prayer requests. Last month Joanna's prayer request was that I would stop harassing her with dill.

This cow has been a staple of the McDonald's backyard since before I can remember. I have always harbored a secret desire to get married in their backyard with this cow looking on.

I don't know if you can read what it says on this rock, found nestled in the Secret Garden, but the reference is from Isaiah 58. I think Mrs. McDonald has been a living testimony of these verses:

"And if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness and your gloom will become like midday. And the LORD will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."

Yes, some of my better memories have been made in the Secret Garden. It is a sacred place.

Missionary Life

I am feeling very stressed out today. I hold in my hand twenty-four ounces of pure caffeine with massive amounts of sugar thrown in for good measure. Yes, this was an ill-advised decision, but the only one that made sense as I drove to my recently vacated townhouse this morning in order to beg the next-door neighbor to sign for a very important package the UPS man has already attempted to deliver twice. Thankfully she agreed, although now she's probably a little scared of me. Good thing I don't live here anymore! Now if I can just get people to stop sending me stuff here...

I'm supposed to be having a day off. This is truly laughable as I have been even busier today than I would normally be in the office. I need to do a six hour Bible study on support raising in the next hour and a half (I wonder if this is feasible?) before I pick up my little brother from aforementioned office and travel to Illinois to teach a 5-day Club in the home of a truly delightful elderly lady. She wanted to give them a special treat for the last day of club today and so she invited a puppet troupe from her church to entertain the kids after club. I hate puppets, but I love her, and so I will endure them, although I will be laughing in my heart (and possibly out loud, as well).

Yesterday I suffered through the indignities of watching one of the children in the club take off his sandal, hold his foot against his face and take a big long sniff before replacing his sandal, waiting a minute...and then doing it again! All this while I was teaching the Bible lesson. It was almost unbearable for me to watch. I kept praying: "Lord Jesus! Help me! Now!". After club I sat in my car alternately laughing and groaning. Oh, the life of a missionary!

Well, that's all for now. Please pray for me. Most of all pray that I won't offend the puppet troupe, and that the delightful little foot-sniffing boy will keep his shoes on today. I don't know if my fragile mental state can bear a repeat performance.

All the News Worth Hearing

Posting on this blog is so far down my to-do list I can hardly see it. However, since it gives me pleasure to write, and because I need to sort out my thoughts a little bit, I thought I would update today. Currently, this is all the news worth hearing in my life...

The target date for beginning my year of service in full-time ministry is August 17th. By then I will be ensconced in a big blue farmhouse somewhere near the city limits of Little Rock. Since I last gave a "real" update, my support level has increased by $10,000 thanks to a generous donation by CEF of East Texas. I am currently entrenched in the whole support raising process and it is progressing well. It is laughable to say I know God wants me in Little Rock with all the evidence to support this claim. I feel so unworthy of all that has been done on my behalf precisely because I have been dragging my feet throughout the whole process.

As I talked with a ministry represenative from CEF she commented on what an "enviable" position I am in within the ministry of CEF. I know it to my very core. I have unsuccessfully raised personal support and unsuccessfully taken myself off the field because of it. God has been gracious - more than I deserve or dared to imagine - in pursuing me for service in missions. Ministry has always been my heart, but I had wanted it to be outside the confines of full-time service. This is apparently not what God wants, and He has been so gracious in bringing me back, much like a prodigal, to the place He wants me to be. I have also found, like the prodigal, a fattened calf, and wide-open arms from my family in the ministry. These are all things I do not deserve.

Have I made that clear? My just desserts are not what I am receiving. I say this as much to remind myself as to share with you. I am slowly learning to serve Jesus, not so He will serve and love me, but because He already has served and loved me. I have had this backwards for most of my life. I do not know how long God intends for me to be in full-time ministry with CEF or any other organization, I only know that I cannot imagine spending my time on anything other than eternity.

Unmistakable

So much has happened in the last few days regarding Little Rock that I wish I had the time to write it all down! We are in the home stretch of CYIA training though, and with just a few more days to go I haven't the strength or the power of concentration to organize any rational thought. I can't wait to get home and get a few dozen hours of sleep so I can begin to communicate effectively, process, and yes - finally - pack!

I have felt at times that I had made a terrible mistake in agreeing to this assignment and wondered in the back of my mind if it would really happen. My fervor for the call to Arkansas has been lukewarm at best, but as God is changing my heart He is heating the fire and most wondrous to see: moving my circumstances in ways only He can; it is so unmistakable.

Updates Galore!

I leave for CYIA training tomorrow morning, and although I am a bit frantic as I finish up last minute details, I thought it was time for an update. A week ago I received a phone call from CEF World Headquarters informing me that there had been a change in initial plans and that, in my case, the process from support raising had been greatly accelerated. Of course the story is more detailed than that, but I haven't the time, and you probably don't have the inclination to read every agonizing detail.

I've been in contact with the state coordinator of Arkansas, and the target date now is September 1st. I'm a little freaked out and have asked the Lord to reveal the big support raising "plan" He has for me. I subscribe to the George Muller method of raising support, which, more or less, is to make the opportunity known, and wait on the Lord to move the hearts of the people to give. I believe this is biblical, and God's will for me (which is not to say that other methods are not also biblical and that God may lead other people to other methods).

In the past few years God has allowed me to try this out, and to see His faithfulness displayed over and over again. It takes a lot of patience though. Oh, I believe God will supply, there is no question in my mind on that point, but the "when" drives me absolutely nuts (why, oh why, did I ever read George Muller's autobiography?! Ignorance is indeed bliss). It's good for me, however, because it allows me to see that I am not God, that I am dependent on Him for everything, and that I can do without a lot of things I really thought I needed. Basically, it exalts God's sovereignty and keeps me in my happy place.

Already I've seen this played out in regards to Little Rock. I've told people about the opportunity and have seen them step forward, with no solicitation on my part, and offer their support. This has greatly blessed me and seems to be confirmation that I'm headed in the right direction. But, three months to raise something over $20,000? It is, no doubt, very possible with God, but is this what He will do? I'm not sure, but I have begun to pray towards this date, along with the people in charge of the Little Rock project, and would welcome you to do the same.

Even though at this point I don't know how much longer I'll be in St. Louis, I do know I can't renew another year-long lease at the townhouse, so I'm moving back to my mom's house for the summer. It is a great blessing, to be sure, but I'm a little sad (okay, actually a lot sad) that I can't stay in my cozy little townhouse with my fantastic roommates. Last night my brothers and Aaron came over and packed up all of my worldly possessions, shoved them into my mom's van, and drove them off to storage. I didn't cry then, but later on, when I was alone in my now desolate room, I let the tears flow. Frankly, I am tired of moving all over creation and I wonder what lesson God is possibly trying to teach me in all of this.

Well, this post is running on. Quick run-down of my life right now: moving, CYIA, little sister's wedding smack in the middle of the two weeks of training, support raising for Little Rock, summer ministry in St. Louis. I'm busy, but I'm happy; this is a great time in life.

Uh, oh...

One of the highlights of my weekend was a conversation with a complete stranger about my upcoming move to Arkansas. I was at my little sister's bridal shower when a friend of my sister approached me and in a soft southern accent asked me if I was the one moving to Arkansas. I replied affirmatively and she introduced herself and told me she had grown up in Arkansas and that her husband was from Paris. I briefly wondered whether there was any chance she meant the European city, but before I could ask she said "Arkansas. Paris, Arkansas". Ah.

I began to ask her questions and found out three things. First, Arkansas is humid. When she said this I smugly stated that I had lived in Missouri most of my life and I was use to humidity. She gave a polite little laugh and told me she always found it so humorous when Missourians complained about the humidity.

Uh, oh...

The next thing I learned was that this particular lady really liked the people of Arkansas but had also always felt like one needed a "passport" to visit. "People do have their little quirks" she said, or something like. She gave me the impression, in her sweet southern manner, that I could be in for a culture shock.

Uh, oh...

The last thing I learned was that Little Rock is not a city. I learned this by asking her to compare the size of Little Rock to the size of St. Charles County, where I have spent most of my life. St. Charles County won. Now, St. Charles County is a large county, but in my opinion it should beat any place labeled a city.

Uh, oh...

As I begin to assimilate information related to the new place God is leading me to I find all sorts of things that confront and assault my natural inclinations. Of this, however, I am very sure: God knows what He is doing, and I feel a huge sense of anticipation and excitement. I think this is going to be a once-in-a-lifetime adventure, replete with "uh, oh" moments, of course, but with the threads of God's grace and favor all woven through. He is a good God and I am sure that he "has prepared me for this very thing".