Worth

Currently I am trying to recover from my Little Rock '09 adventures. I have been back in St. Louis for less than twenty-four hours. I just want to sleep and process everything that I didn't have a chance to dwell on during the busy, busy time I spent in Arkansas. However, I still have a week left in my contract with CEF of Greater St. Louis and a VBS to teach tonight. I hope the children don't mind zombie teachers.

No, I don't think it's that bad, but I do think I need more than one day to recover from not only Little Rock, but this summer in general. I spent a few hours this morning in God's Word, something that I neglected during my week in Little Rock. Shameful, I know, but God is merciful and He still taught me a few lessons that I really needed to learn while in Little Rock.

One lesson that I learned was worth. That is, what am I basing my worth on? God taught me rather all at once one day that my worth comes from Jesus Christ, not my job, ministy, relationship status, place of residence, etc. Those are details in which I live out my relationship with Christ. I don't believe those details are unimportant to God, but I do believe that those details are sometimes too important to me.

Recently I've been studying the life of Saul and David as portrayed in 1 Samuel. Both of these men fell into gross sins, but David was a man after God's own heart and Saul was cast away. Why? Romans 8 seems to be the best answer: if God is for us, who can be against us? Not because of who I am or what I do, but because of God's own free sovereign choice in placing me in Christ Jesus am I in right standing before Him and can have confidence that I am His and will remain His. So then the most important thing in my life is not all of those details, but my relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

On the last night of our time together in Little Rock the president of CEF, Reese Kaufmann, spoke on this very thing and I knew it was God's reminder to me that really, Little Rock is simply a detail, not the Destination. I was thankful for this reminder, because it is something that God has been teaching me through this process of going into full-time ministry with CEF once again. CEF and any ministry that might result from my work in this organization shouldn't give me my ultimate sense of worth or value (and neither should anything else). I am God's through Jesus Christ and that relationship is what gives me my ultimate worth.

There is freedom there. Freedom that God calls me to walk in as I trust His sovereign ordering of the details and circumstances of my life. I am tired, and well should be, of making the circumstances of my life ultimate. This is a hard lesson to learn and one I'm sure I'll forget from time to time. But I serve a faithful, merciful God that is for me and will be faithful and merciful to remind me. Today my heart overflows with gratitude to Him.