Needless to say I spent the rest of the time be-bopping around the Christmas tree with my not-quite-two month old niece mesmerized by the lights. I think she was less mesmerized, however, by my faulty renditions of several Christmas classics. "Have a holly jolly Christmas, it's the best time of the year, la la la, something, la..." was how it generally went. At the end of the two hours, I was happy to hand little Ivy off to her momma (mostly because it was feeding time), and her momma was happy to have her back. Yep, being an aunt is a pretty good gig.
This morning as I stood at the kitchen sink, pouring my coffee and shredded wheat (but not into the same container), I thought about how thankful I am that I'm not married. This probably sounds strange, because previous posts on this blog would indicate otherwise, but I really am most of the time thankful for the gift of singleness. I am becoming increasingly aware of the special gift that it is, and the advantages and disadvantages that come with it.
A week ago I had lunch with a group of people from my church and one friend and fellow single was talking about being a Isaiah 54 wife, that is, the Lord is your husband. Although I don't think there is anything wrong with a single woman, never-married or widowed, to cling to these verses for comfort, I've never been down with it myself, and in the last year or so, I've been enamored with a passage from Isaiah 56.
1 Thus says the LORD:
"Keep justice, and do righteousness,
for soon my salvation will come,
and my deliverance be revealed.
2 Blessed is the man who does this,
and the son of man who holds it fast,
who keeps the Sabbath, not profaning it,
and keeps his hand from doing any evil."
3 Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the LORD say,
"The LORD will surely separate me from his people";
and let not the eunuch say,
"Behold, I am a dry tree."
4 For thus says the LORD:
"To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose the things that please me
and hold fast my covenant,
5 I will give in my house and within my walls
a monument and a name
better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
that shall not be cut off.
This passage really comforted me when I was making the decision to go back into full-time missions service. I was struggling because it felt like the death of my dreams - husband, children, home - and the taking on of a dream I wasn't really sure I wanted. At that time I was 100% certain that if I choose the mission field, I would be choosing singleness as well.
I'm not really sure that's the case (I know it certainly isn't for all missionaries), but most days it feels like I will be single all of my life. I still struggle to be okay with that reality, especially now when I'm in my late twenties and everyone around me seems to be dating, getting married, married, or having babies. I want all those things too, but I am learning to be content with what God has called me to in this season of my life, and singleness is becoming less of an unspeakable horror, and more of an honor.
And really, whether we're married or single, it's our duty to "choose the things that please Me", to choose to please the Lord in whatever state we find ourselves. I just happen to find myself in the state of singleness. However, that eunuch thing really speaks to me. To be unable at this time in my life to have physical sons and daughters, it comforts me to know that I am called to care for and nurture spiritual life in other people's sons and daughters (as are other singles. I'm not that special). And if I continue in this state of singleness all of my life (which would be okay), I still have a place in God's house, and a name that He calls me, which is better than sons and daughters ("still". In my messed up economy this life is still more important than that Life. Sigh. I'm working on it).
Better than sons and daughters. That's hard to believe when you're holding a warm baby in your arms and kissing their chubby cheeks, or when your BFF is dating an awesome guy (which mine is at the moment), or when scads (literally scads) of people even younger than you are standing at the altar with goofy looks in their eyes. Faith is a daily struggle, but a worth-it fight. And as I press into knowing more of the goodness of God, that name is looking better and better.
Postscript: I'm really thankful for older singles who show me what faithfulness to God within the gift of singleness really looks like. They don't shrug off the struggles of singleness, but neither do they let those struggles defeat them. They take that gift and they work it. They let God use them to their full capacities and they serve Him. They are beautiful pictures of fun, and laughter, and service, and grace. Especially to this young single who is still getting used to the "gift" and wants to know how to use it well. So, thanks. You all are some of my favorite people around.
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