Struggle

Lately I've been wondering how to struggle honestly. How much is too much to share? Let me break it down for you: I don't get a lot of social interaction here. Besides my church and work-related functions (trainings and Good News Clubs) there's not a lot going on. I miss interacting with people. I come from a big family and a really tightly-knit group of friends who I am use to seeing every single day. When I talk with them on the phone it's just not the same. I must communicate! And for that purpose this blog was created.

I love to write, and I love to write about my own experiences, and what God is teaching me through them. I realize this is a very public forum. I realize this even more when I get messages from people saying they really liked that blog post on such-and-such and I think "darn. What the heck did I write? Do I really want them knowing all that?", etc.

I don't know about you, but I like to hear about the struggles other people are going through in life. I suspect there is a little of a voyeuristic nature in each of us, but that's really not the reason I want to know about other people's experiences. I don't want to look down on them or exalt that I am so much better then they (although in my weaker moments I can admit that those Pharisaical thoughts can pop up), I want to know that other people struggle too. I want to know that everything doesn't come easily for them, because it sure doesn't come easily for me.

However, being honest about your struggles can really open you up for some nasty consequences. After a particularly gut-wrenching blog post you start to wonder "I wonder what so-and-so thinks about me now? Do I measure up? Have I ruined their "good" opinion of me?", etc. Part of the reason I write this blog is to have a way to vent, encourage (hopefully), and examine my thoughts as they come out on the page (or computer screen). You might be thinking that if I really need to write that much I should just keep a journal. Well, I do. And if you think this stuff is hair-raising you should see what I write between those two covers!

I tend to know the right answers to the problems I'm facing. I know that sounded extremely proud and self-righteous, but for the most part I think we all know what we ought to do; the problem comes in the application. And I think that's what it means to honestly struggle. To say "hey, I know I ought to be doing this, but doing it is pretty hard right now. I'm having trouble with it. I'm struggling." It feels good to commiserate with someone in the same boat, but the point is not to stay there on the water, being tossed to and fro. I don't want to deny the boat and the waves, but I want to share with you my struggles as I am in the boat and on the waves and how Jesus is helping me out of it.

Too many nautical references? I couldn't agree with you more. So as I honestly struggle with issues, burdens, problems, frustrations, joys, and victories (you get the point), I pray that it is an encouragement to you. And I hope it points you to Jesus. I read recently that good preaching isn't filled with personal antidotes and funny jokes, but with Jesus from beginning to end, the gospel through and through. I'm afraid I would make a very bad pastor, as I love to share personal antidotes all the time. But hopefully you'll see more and more of Jesus as I point away from myself and towards Him. John the Baptist was a very admirable guy, he who coined the phrase "He must increase, but I must decrease". Oh, but even John the Baptist struggled.

I feel better already.

Struggle

I am struggling, struggling, struggling with sin in my life.

That sounds a bit too honest. I want to take it back because I would rather you didn't know I struggle to desire God above all those other (even good) things that via for my attention, get blown out of proportion, and threaten to become an idol.

My propensity to turn to other things besides God to fill my needs (especially emotional) is great.

I know that I can't just rip the idols out of my life without replacing them with Something greater, more valuable, more precious, more lovely.

I was thinking about this verse from Psalm 81 which says:

"I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it."

I got out my handy Reformation Study Bible (I'm a dork) and looked up the commentary concerning this verse. It was just what I needed it hear:

"Much of Israel's history, as recorded in Joshu through Chronicles, is the story of God's people looking for satisfaction without God (yup!). If they were worried about rain, they turned to Baal (1 Kings 18). If they were worried about enemies, they wanted a strong king (1 Samuel 8). They kept forgetting they had a God who could and would fulfill all their needs easily."

Oh Lord, help me not to forget.